When Ponder meet Harry
by Dorie Kaiba
Summary: A crossover between Discworld and Harry Potter
1. chapter 1

Snape looked at Harry with disgust in his eyes. He was getting sick of all  
this strangeness that had been going on recently. He had the rumors of some  
large fat wizard storming around and yelling for someone called the  
"Bursar", but he had chalked it up to the closeness of exams. Until now.  
Potter, although he appeared a little taller, had approached him without  
any sign of fear and ask quiet calmly where, "Archchancellor Ridcully was,  
because he was sure HEX was malfunctioning again since his FTB or Fluffy  
Teddy Bear had been taken away, and I know he must have it for archery  
practice but he may have caused a whole in the time space continuum."  
"But sir, I never said that."  
"Potter, I know what I saw!"  
"But I don't know any Ridcully or what a HEX is."  
"Ha! Your calling me a liar, Potter?"  
"No sir."  
"That's two days detention for you then."  
Meanwhile the Dean of Pentacles was talking to the Lecturer of Recent  
Runes.  
"Young Stibbons is acting really weird lately."  
"You mean weirder than staying up in the HEM all-night and missing dinner?"  
"Worse Runes, why just yesterday I saw him flying a broom stick!"  
"But isn't that only for witches?"  
"Perhaps he is listening to his feminine side."  
Both wizards cringed at this thought.  
"I think I lost my appetite."  
"So, can I have your dessert them Dean?"  
"Wow, it is a miracle I just got it back!"  
Ponder Stibbons walked down yet another unfamiliar hallway and bumped into  
himself.  
"Oh, I am sorry sir," It replied than gazed back. "Cor, you look just like  
me!"  
Ponder saw however that there were a few different things with this boy. He  
had green eyes instead of brown and was much shorter with a lightning scar  
on his head.  
Harry noticed he was staring at his scar and tried to say something else.  
"Are you a friend of Dumbledore's?"  
Ponder blinked, "Who is that?"  
"He is the head of this school, sir."  
"No, he isn't Ridcully is."  
"Never heard of him, sir."  
"Isn't this Unseen University?"  
"No, this is Hogwarts, sir."  
Ponder looked closely at what the boy was wearing.  
"Are you a wizard?"  
"Yes, aren't you?"  
"Yes, although I fear I may be in the wrong dimension, because the only  
other college on the Disc is Bugarup University."  
"The Disc? Where is that sir?" 


	2. chapter 2

When Ponder met Harry Part 2

"What do you mean 'what disc'?"

"I have never heard of any of those places sir."

Ponder looked worried. He thought for a moment then sighed.

"Take me to Prof. Dumbledore then, if you would be so kind."

"Certainly sir. may I ask why you look like me sir?"

"Call me Ponder. I have some theories involving quantum mechanics, but I doubt you would understand. What is your name?"

"Harry Potter."

"And the scar...?"

"It is a long story, Ponder."

"Ah, never mind."

They started walking feeling pleased with the unspoken agreement to worry about their complicated lives later.

"Harry, do you ever feel like you will never fit in?"

"All the time. Do you?"

"Yes Ponder, believe it or not I do."

The Librarian had at last found someone intelligent to talk to.

"Oook eeek oook," he said sipping some tea and munching on the banana Madame Pince had given him.

"I understand completely... on one hand you don't want to interrupt narrative causality and on the other you don't want to upset the alpha male. I feel like that sometimes too. I am glad we are both able to discuss L-space."

"Oook."

"True, there never is enough self space."

"Whoopee the bicycle is eating the pomegranate."

"Did you understand that Hermione?"

"He said he is lost and this place is different from his normal home."

"Down the bucket, honey dew."

Hermione thought a moment and handed the Bursar some tea.

"Cheers table."

"Your welcome."

"Too much eyes, Mr. Daisy?"

"No, he is only a friend."

"Apples are better."

"Yeah, he is a lot like that."

"Hermione..."

"Yes?"

"You are freaking me out!"

"I know...I am freaking me out too."

"Let's take him to Dumbledore."

"Okay Ron."


	3. chapter 3

When Ponder Met Harry Part 3

Dumbledore was listening calmly to mind boggling events concerning quantum mechanics and the manipulation of the space time continuum. He wasn't surprised by any of it, even the FTB, which stood for Fluffy Teddy Bear, as Ponder said in an embarrassed voice.

"Believe me Mr. Stibbons we have had stranger occurrences at Hogwarts than this."

Ponder was shocked that Dumbledore understood everything that had been told to him.

He was envious of the faculty and the students under Dumbledore since most he treated with respect and they admired him, or so Harry had told him. Plus, he was not know to yell.

Ron and Hermione walked up the corridor with the Bursar in tow. They saw a man with an iron tipped hat, a huge staff, and a bristly beard, who ran up to them and asked how long has it been since the Bursar had his dried frog pills.

"We don't know sir. How about we take you both to the headmaster?"

"I am the headmaster!," cried Ridcully in an outrage.

"Okay," Hermione calmly reasoned, "We shall take you to the other one."

"Alright."

The Librarian followed Madam Pince to the Headmaster's office.

Dumbledore looked mildly surprised at the appearance of an orangutan in his office.

"Was this a transfiguration accident?"

"No, Headmaster. Well, it was a magical accident however he happens to like this form. Oh and Albus don't call him the "m" word alright?"

Dumbledore smiled sweetly, "I wouldn't dream of it."

Ponder walked over to the Librarian. "When did you get here?"

"Ook."

Ponder nodded.

Ridcully, the Bursar, Hermione and Ron walked in.

Ridcully said, "And who're you?"

Dumbledore smiled and replied, "I am Headmaster here at Hogwarts."

"Hog what?"

"Hogwarts."

"So where is the Unseen University?"

"Perhaps it's hiding," Severus Snape entered the room with a sneer.

"That is not funny young man," Ridcully snapped.

"Quite the contrary, this man seems to have enjoyed your humor Severus," Albus pointed to the Bursar who was rolling around the ground laughing.

"He is mentally unstable."

"The only type of person which finds you funny," replied Ron under his breath.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor, Weasley."

Hermione rolled her eyes at Ron.


	4. chapter 4

When Ponder Met Harry Part 4

"Archchancellor, where is the FTB?"

Ridcully looked at Stibbons. "I used it for archery practice."

"What in the name of heaven is a FTB?," Snape said loudly, still furious at the gag made previously at his sense of humor.

"I knew it! I knew you would do something like this! Honestly, you could have had us killed! It is very dangerous to take HEX apart!," Ponder shouted.

"Perhaps we should not have allowed HEX to be built in the first place!," Ridcully snapped.

"And what the devil is this HEX you people consistently blather on about!," Snape shouted now angry that he was being ignored.

"Ook."

"And why is there a monkey in this office!"

The Librarian grinned dangerously and proceeded to pick up Snape.

"I like some table with this cream, you can put it on the coffee," the Bursar said happily while staring at Harry.

"SILENCE. Please my dear ape release my potion's master, gently if you don't mind he has classes to teach tomorrow," Dumbledore said with a little smile.

The Librarian set him down.

"Ook?"

"On my desk in Unseen University."

"What did he say?" asked Hermione.

"Where the FTB was."

"Whenever something like this happens to us, usually that Rincewind chap is here. Where is he now?" the Bursar asked in his moment of random sanity.

"Last I saw of him, he was in Library."

Ridcully smiled and turned to Dumbledore.

"Do you by any chance have a crystal ball here?"

Rincewind looked at the crystal ball curiously. It had been making strange noises. As he peered in a sort of bug like deformed human shrieked "look into the beyond." He screamed in turn and would have ran into the closet had it not been for Ponder appearing next to her.

Five minutes later he had the FTB in hand and was heading down to the HEM building.

Seto Kaiba looked closer at the new duel monster cards. It appeared that they had just spoken. He definitely needed to go to bed, Mokuba warned him this sort of thing would happen if he worked to hard.

"Now where are we? And why are we in two dimension?" Ridcully asked.

THE END


End file.
